As women, we’re doing all the jobs, being all the people, and keeping everything running… and yet we’re often our own harshest critics. A 2024 study found that 75% of women have an active inner critic, and one in five of us “severely lack confidence.”
The good news? While confidence isn’t only about how we look, our wardrobe is a brilliant, accessible place to start. Small, intentional shifts can create outsized results. Here’s how to challenge the way you see yourself—especially as life (and our bodies) keep evolving.
1. Master the Art of Reframing
Our mothers, sisters, and crucially, our daughters and nieces likely share similar body shapes to ours. That makes the language we use about our bodies incredibly powerful—for them and for us.
When someone gives us an (usually unsolicited!) opinion about our appearance, we have a frustrating habit of latching onto the negatives and dismissing the positives, regardless of who it’s from. Over time, those throwaway comments plant deep-rooted hang-ups.
Reframing is a technique that helps you shift your mindset. Ask yourself: Was it true, what that person said? What don’t I like? How can I flip that into something neutral or even positive?
Personal example: As a child, I had people tell me my bottom was “like a shelf at the back.” Naturally, I developed a complex about how “sticky-outy” it was—because, well, that didn’t sound normal or indeed fit the straight body beauty image of the 1990’s! Years later at university, a friend said, “Gosh, you have a great bum—you really fill a pair of jeans well!” That simple reframe, from something abnormal-sounding to something factual and positive, helped to change my relationship with my body.
The old gremlins still visit occasionally, but now I have the tools to push them away. The women in our lives can be our biggest positive force—or our biggest critics. Choose your words carefully, and be that positive voice for others, even if you’re still learning to be it for yourself.
2. Think Like a Sewist, Not a Shopper
Let’s talk sizing. Those random numbers and letters are supposedly “standard”—but here’s the truth: there is no single, enforced standard across the high street. Every retailer picks their own average bust, waist, hip ratio, and an average height of around 5ft 5″-5ft 6”.
The human body is rarely “average.” Even if your horizontal measurements match a brand’s size chart, you also need the “right” height, leg length, and body proportions. No wonder so many of us leave fitting rooms feeling defeated.
People who sew their own clothes never think, “My body doesn’t fit these clothes.” They say, “I make clothes that fit my body.” It’s an important distinction – it’s the clothes that are the problem, not the body. Even with commercial sewing patterns, alterations are expected—a full bust adjustment, a sway back, a tweaked trouser rise. Sewists honour their bodies with these adjustments.
You don’t need to learn dressmaking (although I think it would be brilliant if you did!). Instead:
- Look for styles that accommodate your proportions. More fabric where you need it (pleats in trousers, a deeper diamond in the back of jeans, A-line skirts, elasticated or adjustable waistbands) means clothes can actually fit.
- Make alterations commonplace. If you’re petite, you’re probably already used to having things shortened. Great tailors exist, and small tweaks can transform how a garment feels.
My waist-to-hip ratio means trousers either strangle my hips or gape at the waist. I used to feel rubbish about it. Now I either make adjustments or choose shapes designed for proportions like mine. The clothes work for me—not the other way around.
3. Understand Your Shape Objectively
We don’t shame dogs for coming in all shapes and sizes – humans deserve the same grace!
We’ve been programmed to believe there’s something “wrong” with us if we don’t fit the “current” standard sizing. I say “current” because it changes constantly. The truth? Barring factors outside your control, there is nothing “wrong” with your body. It is exactly as it’s meant to be.
Many of my clients don’t really know what they look like—we can carry a warped, overly critical view of ourselves. An objective understanding of your body’s shape will help to remove the emotion and put you back in control.
Knowledge is power. Look at yourself with curiosity, not judgment:
- Longer or shorter torso?
- Straight or sloping shoulders? Narrower or wider than your hips?
- Straighter, rounder, or narrower waist?
- Longer or shorter legs?
These are neutral facts. When you understand your vertical and horizontal proportions, you can objectively see the relationship between your body’s structure and the fabrics you put on top of it. It’s completely valid to have parts you prefer to highlight and parts you’d rather not—what matters is that you know your body and work with it, not against it.
We only have one body, and it comes with us everywhere. Let’s get to know it properly—and hopefully become friends with it.
4. Accept That Clothes Were Never Meant to Fit Forever
Our bodies change. It’s inevitable, natural, and often completely outside our control. As time passes, our backs may round, our spines compress, our middles thicken. This isn’t negativity—it’s reality. And more importantly, it’s a privilege denied to some; not everyone gets to grow old.
We need to acknowledge and honour these changes rather than pretending they don’t happen, or worse, feeling shame when the numbers on the tags go up. Life is a gift. Let’s engage with these changes positively, using them as an excuse to reinvent or transition our style so we feel comfortable and confident again.
That might mean expressing yourself more boldly with colour or exaggerated shapes. Or it might be practical tweaks: if you need more room across the back, look for shirts with pleats or gathers in the yoke.
And here’s a crucial permission slip: It’s OK to move on clothing that no longer fits your body, your style, or your lifestyle. Don’t let it hang front and centre in your wardrobe as a reminder of a past that doesn’t fit your “now.” Thank it for its service, and let someone else enjoy it.
5. Harness Enclothed Cognition
This isn’t “fake it till you make it,” and it’s definitely not about leaping out of your comfort zone to become a different person (a terrifying thought for us introverts!). This is intentional dressing for the mood or behaviour you want.
Psychology research confirms that clothing directly influences how we feel, think, and behave. The clothes you wear can change your cognitive processes—your thinking patterns and emotional responses. So yes, dopamine dressing is scientifically backed!
We already do this instinctively for big occasions—networking events, important meetings—putting extra intention into our outfits. But we can use it for everyday emotional needs too:
- Feeling fragile and need to feel cocooned? Reach for something comfortable and darker in colour to protect yourself.
- Need to be productive working from home? Wearing something smarter can shift your brain into work mode. (My husband even has “house shoes” instead of slippers for exactly this reason.)
Clothes are a tool. Use them to your advantage.
Bonus: Find Your Mirrors
Look for and follow celebrities or influencers who share your body shape, your colouring, your style, or your age. Inspiration feels achievable when it’s relatable. What’s that phrase? – You can’t be what you can’t see! … They are can start to understand, how do those wide-leg trousers look on someone with proportions like mine?, what colours work on skin tones like mine? etc.
When you see yourself reflected in others, styling stops feeling theoretical and starts feeling possible.
The Foundation of Sustainable Style
Once you understand your colouring, shape, scale, and style personality, you have the pillars of a sustainable wardrobe—one that evolves with you over time. These are the elements I explore in my “Understanding” package, because you can’t build a truly sustainable wardrobe without them. Taking you shopping without this foundation just means more clothes and less clarity.
If you’re feeling stuck—standing in shops overwhelmed by choice, not knowing what to look for, or opening your wardrobe with dread instead of possibility—I’d love to help.
You are so much more than the way you look. But if you don’t feel that the outside reflects who you are, it can be hard to step out and be your best self.
So get to know your body. Talk kindly to it. Find the styles your body enjoys wearing, that make you feel comfortable and fabulous.
Then use them to your advantage.
Lucy x
